I’m Done Trying to Be Somebody

I’m done trying to be somebody.

I still am going to BE somebody, because I do not have the means to NOT be somebody. However, I am done trying to BE somebody. I do not reject that I have spent so long trying to be somebody since 2011, when I woke up to the destruction in the world, and to the fact that I was living a life that resulted in so much unnecessary suffering for others. I set out to mold myself. Mold myself into someone who was no longer taking part in unnecessary destruction, and instead, to the best of my ability, be a part of healing, loving others, being of service to the plants and animals; gaining a deeper connection as I broke free from the separation. It was absolutely necessary for me to create a new identity in order to break free from my former identity.

But, after thirteen years of trying to be somebody, and actually being that somebody to a large extent, I now feel that I am at a place where I can stop trying to be somebody. I can just be who I am. And the great dilemma that I’ve been under for the last decade is that I have chosen the path of being the change I wish to see in the world and being a messenger who reaches millions. This has put me in front of the media. And I have shaped myself into the package that the media would share. I have also shaped myself into the package that I knew would reach the mind of the masses. All of this was done quite authentically, because I was being who I wanted to be as I was being who they wanted me to be. But, there has been a continual craving for more. A continual craving to be somebody really special. To be somebody really great. And that has fed into my ego, and it has stimulated a lot of suffering inside of me. That said, I have lived a wonderful life. But I want to continue deepening into just being myself. My most authentic self.

You could say, in a sense, I am taking a hiatus from being myself, or a sabbatical from being myself, but, of course, I’ll still be here. However, I am going to take a break from identifying so much with my personality, my character, my traits, and instead, just be. And I don’t know what exactly I’ll do. I’ll let time unfold that. But, I know that over the next months, I am shedding. I have experienced the shedding. I have watched so much fall away. And I am going to continue to let it fall. The identity, letting go of the control of the way I want things to be. And, ultimately, I am risking losing what I’ve built. But that is of little concern to me, because I do genuinely believe that this decision is a sound part of the path of being of service.

Again, I am letting go of trying to be somebody. But I am only so skilled and so resourced that, of course, I will still be somebody and I will still, I’m sure, be trying to be somebody. But much less so. A fraction of so.