I really really am trying.
I’m trying to live a life of integrity and to be a positive influence on the society that I am a part of.
Every day is hard.
I was born into a dominator society and although I have had many positive influences in my life, each day is a struggle to simply live in harmony with my fellow humans and Earth.
The society I am surrounded by does not make it easy. Each day I go against the grain of society in most of what I do.
And on top of that, I try to utilize my life to be of service to others, to lift them up, to empower them, to bring meaning and purpose into their lives, to help bridge the gap to change our destructive relationships with Earth….it’s hard.
Many days I’m just struggling to meet my own basic needs. Sometimes it is food and shelter. Sometimes it is love and a sense of belonging. Sometimes it is adventure and autonomy.
And I know that each and every one of us is struggling.
I’m rarely able to accomplish what I’d like to in a day. There’s so much more that I want to do to be of service, but I so often find myself stuck in the logistics and management of life.
With millions of people in my life, I’m never able to be exactly who most people want me to be. People are often disappointed when they don’t get a personal response from me or don’t get the response they want. I hurt knowing that I simply don’t have the time to give everyone the response they’d like.
I hurt knowing that people reach out to me with hopes for a solution, hopes for advice, hopes for connection, and feel sad not to receive it. I feel pain when they turn this disappointment into stories of me being a person of low integrity.
I try really hard, but I often don’t manage to communicate as compassionately as I’d like to.
So please Dear Friends, remember that I struggle too.
I am really doing the best that I can. And although I truly love myself and am truly happy with who I am and how I’m living my life, I am constantly striving to improve.
I feel that my true calling is to simply be a human of service. A servant to Earth and humanity.
Not in a sacrificial way but from a place of true joy. From a place of fully living out my purpose in life.
I feel that my calling is to be a leader, but always first and foremost by being me and sharing who I am.
By letting my life be my message.
This has been what I’ve been doing for the last 12 years and what I plan to do for as long as I’m alive.
I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m trying really hard, and I’m happy with where I’ve come.
I know who I am really well. And for the most part, it doesn’t affect me much when people create stories in their minds about me. But it’s a challenge when what I’m seeking more than anything else on Earth is truth, and that I am living in truth to the best of my ability.
So Dear Friends, I ask for your patience on this journey, and for you to remember that I am a human who suffers just like everyone else.
My needs to be seen and to be heard and to be understood are almost always met with my community both online and in person. I am grateful to each of you for trusting me and for being on this path with me.
It is human nature for us to fill in the gaps where we don’t know, and I am never able to say everything that I’d like to in writing. That’s where I see so many assumptions made. Because of this, it can be exhausting to say anything at all – to put myself out there on social media – knowing all the stories that may be created in people’s minds.
One of the greatest personal lessons I’ve learned from being a person who many people pay attention to, is to not assume anything about others. I have just seen how often people assume things about me that are not accurate. And I know that if that’s happening to me, surely I must be doing it to others. So, I don’t assume as much about people as I used to, but I’m still working on it, of course.
Last night I watched the documentary on Mr. Rogers and this is what came out of me afterwards.
I love you all very much,