Reflections on a Year Without Sex or Romance. And What’s Next?

For the last year, I have experimented with non-sexuality. I committed myself to developing universal love and completeness within and took a pause from sexual and romantic relationships. To the best of my ability, I was even non-sexual in thoughts and words.

The year has passed, and now four months more have passed. I achieved everything that I hoped I could in mastery of my mind and improving my relationships with humanity in the duration of a one-year experiment. I believe I have entered a new chapter of my life, which is a life I intend to dedicate fully to the service of Earth, humanity and our plant and animal relatives.

Do I still have sexual thoughts? Yes.

Do I still want to have sex sometimes? Absolutely.

But do I need sex? No.

I am no longer of the belief that sex is one of my most basic human needs. I am of the belief that sex is a strategy to meet more foundational needs. The needs to be loved, to be accepted, to be seen and heard, the needs for meaning and purpose, for connection, and the needs for exploration, creativity and expression are some of the core basic human needs that can be found through sexual relationships. I have found that I can meet every one of these needs more effectively by adopting an approach of universal love of humanity and especially of the women of the world. I no longer desire to have sexual thoughts of any woman in my life, especially my colleagues and friends. Nor do I desire to have sexual thoughts of the women I meet briefly or see in momentary passing in my day-to-day life. I desire to celebrate women for so much more than their bodies and to have these more wholesome, harmonious and consensual celebrations be my first and foremost thoughts at all times. I desire to put my mental focus and action fully into relating more compassionately with all of my sisterhood.

Over the last four months, I have been deciding whether to continue my path of non-sexuality and romance, and I have not been certain. I have let time and circumstance guide me. I didn’t pursue sex, but at times I craved this form of connection and was open to it. Over the last month, I have observed that each time my mind wandered to sex when speaking with a woman, sex was not at the heart of what I was craving. It was simply connection. Nor did I conclude that sex would necessarily achieve this connection that I desired. I do not want sex, I want to continue deepening my connection with my community in other ways. I do not want sex as much as I want to feel a oneness with all beings. I have found substantial wholeness within through the practice of non-sexuality. I believe that through becoming a whole and complete human I will be able to live in the highest state of truth and integrity in service to humanity.

I am contemplating taking a life vow of non-sexuality and have been for some years now. In 2015, I took my first life vows – to earn below the federal poverty threshold annually, to maintain a very small net worth and modest material possessions, to donate 100% of my media income to grassroots environmental work, and to practice non-cooperation with federal taxes. I have adhered to these vows with integrity and have carried them out with relative ease and fluidity. My objective with these vows is to create the foundation of being a servant, and although I have vowed to give my life to service, I have not been as effective, consistent or fluid in this realm as I desire. Much more self work is to be done to attain the strength, focus and diligence needed for the task at hand. I may not know my mind well enough at the age of 37 to take a vow of non-sexuality for life. However, I have observed myself closely enough to know that I can commit to two more years, until I turn the age of 40 on August 28th, 2026.

The personal commitment I am taking for this duration of time is to fully abstain from sexual relationships. To the best of my ability, this includes abstaining from putting my time and energy into the pursuit or contemplation of sexual relationships. I am open to exploring a platonic partnership that is non-sexual, yet deeply connective, healing and complimentary to an era of dedicated service.

I feel clarity and certainty that this commitment will serve me well in my experiments with truth and integrity, with the ultimate goal of developing into a fully committed servant of Earth and humanity. I welcome your support and inquiry into my experience and mind in the years ahead.

Love,

Robin

I realize it is not typical in the society in which I live to take a vow of this form during the prime sexual age that I am. For those who are concerned with how this could negatively impact my mental health, I say thank you for your care for my well being. I’d like to assure you I am taking these actions from a place of being whole and complete within and that it is not likely to create any emptiness or sadness within. The last 16 months have been proof through experience for me. I have achieved a level of wholeness, oneness, contentment and satisfaction that exceeds my years of sexual and romantic relationships. I feel a deep romance with humanity and with our plant and animal relatives that replaces the need for sexual interaction at this point.