“I don’t want to be famous.” – A thought I had today.

ConsciousnessIntentional LivingLiving in Service and VolunteeringPersonalRobin’s Transformation

“I don’t want to be famous.”

These words surfaced in my mind today shortly after arising in the early morning hours.

For many of you, this thought would be of little importance and would not stimulate much, if any self-reflection. For me however, hearing this thought concretely in my mind was almost a profound moment. I thought to myself, “Well I have never had this thought in the last 13 years since I began the mission I am on today.” Perhaps there have been times where I have been neutral to fame. But in this moment, after 13 years of the pursuit of fame at varying degrees throughout time, the thought arose for perhaps the first time in a solid manner. At this moment I no longer want to be “famous.”

Lately, there is part of me that feels sick thinking of the pursuit of fame. This pursuit is based in part on a craving. I have learned that acting upon cravings does not serve my highest being. When I observe the pursuit of fame amongst others, I clearly see it is not something I want to take part in. Yet here I have been in this pursuit. I have managed to do this with a relative state of balance and humility, yet all the while I have played the ego game with an ebb and flow of egoic existence.

Upon reflection, I see experiencing even just a moment of repulsion towards fame, what I have craved so strongly for over a decade, as another step in the dissolution of my egoic self. I have put in a lot of work over the last three years – thousands of hours in fact – and moments like these help me to see that the work is creating results, just as I believed it would. I am simply listening to the teachers who I respect and taking on the practices they share with me.

At the same time I see my desire for fame fading, I still desire to be of service, and the way I have been able to be of highest service is to share messages with many people, often with my life being my message. Thus, I am often the center of the attention of a large number of people, which goes hand in hand with fame.

What I’m curious about is with the dissolution of my ego, will I still be as driven in my mission that originally welled up with ego as one of the core drivers. Truth, equity, justice, sustainability, harmony, freedom, health and happiness have always been at the core, but with ego deeply within. I have reached the people I’ve reached because of how deeply I have been motivated by ego. Read Ego as an Early Motivation in my Activism (2014).

If I dissolve my craving for fame, will I remain an effective social reformer or will I disappear from the internet into the present moment? Only time will answer this question for me…

I also ponder, can I be an effective servant to Earth and a substantial number of people, with my life being my message, without being famous? One definition of famous is “known about by many people.”  That simple definition summarizes the core strategy of my form of activism and service. I share my personal story, which educates, inspires and creates change. How can I balance being in the public eye and known by many, with a healthy life design of not wanting fame?

My goal for the last handful of years has been to dissolve all areas of ego that are not of benefit to the whole and to hone in all elements of ego that can be used as a tool of service.

Some of you may be asking, why am I even sharing this with you? All this talk about my ego, isn’t it just one big ego trip?

I believe to dissolve and hone in the ego it is necessary to observe the ego. To be transparent and honest with ourselves and others… To discuss and contemplate it with others on this path. Each of you on this path with me are helping me to move forward…

But equally importantly, I’m sharing this because my life – and my self-observation upon this life – are my message. Transforming myself is my service to you, as well as my service to myself. I know many of you watch me on this journey. And many of you see me changing. In the last year my internal state has changed quite substantially and I’m sure some of you have seen this. I don’t know if I’ve really vocalized this clearly to you… It’s a new realm I’m entering and it is not the words that I am accustomed to speaking or writing. But I do want to share my process with you. I want to share my journey incrementally so that it doesn’t come across as abrupt or jarring to you in the months and years ahead. This is one of my motivations for sharing with you today.

I have plans for the rest of 2024 that are likely to transform my inner being substantially, and I will do my best to share as the journey unfolds.

As of late I have moved the vast focus of my energy to bringing my life into a deeper state of truth and integrity, with a heavy pondering of making my central life purpose to be to exist in the highest state of truth and integrity that is within my realm of possibility. As I move in this direction I am shedding a lot of what no longer serves me. I have shed a lot in the last two weeks, two months and two years. At the core of this shedding is goal of being a dedicated servant of Earth and humanity, which means shedding what no longer serves the whole.

As of late, I have come to believe that it is in the best interest of my life to let go of all attachment to outcome and all desire for success, and with that fame. I believe this practical step will move me in the direction of truth and integrity with and will aid in shedding all actions that do not facilitate the pursuit of truth and integrity. The final goal – which I am far from – is to become a fully dedicated servant to Earth and all who share this home.

Love,
Robin

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