When you call me Robin…

When you call me Robin…
I feel warmth and tenderness.
I feel a gentleness inside of me.
I also feel vulnerable…

I went by Rob since age 12 because I was afraid…
Afraid of being compared to a girl, because I mostly saw girls and women with this name
Afraid of not being “man enough” and being perceived as gay by a homophobic society.
Afraid of being the sidekick (to Batman) rather than the hero.

I was feeling so much insecurity and worry in these years.

I have returned to Robin…
Because I love having balanced qualities of feminine and masculine.
Because I have overcome much of the sexism inside of me that was engrained into me by the patriarchy that I was born into. I now think in equality, mutuality, communion and belonging with women.
Because I have shed much of my own homophobia that was engrained into me from a dominator culture.
Because I am safe and secure with being me, just as I am.

It is vulnerable to return to Robin.
When I hear you call me Robin, I am taken back to being a young boy who was lost and confused.
When I hear you call me Robin, I feel a deeper connection to you, because my mind thinks we must have known each other for many years and I then feel this in my heart.

As I fully return to Robin this vulnerability will will fade away.

When I hear you call me Robin I feel the gentleness of the Robin bird that my name was gifted to me from.
I am reminded to be gentle and caring to you, to all of humanity, to Earth and to all of our plant and animal relatives. I so do deeply desire and yearn to embody the gentleness and care that we as a humanity need so dearly.
I am reminded that I am part of a community with every being and creature on Earth. I am reminded I am of the Earth.

I have been struggling to overcome the colonization, capitalism, oppression and exploitation that I have had beaten into me by society from the day I was born. Each day I strive to unlearn and relearn and this is what I’ve been doing for the last ten years. Yet there is still much unlearning and relearning to do.

I will strive to meet you with the gentleness of the robin and I humbly request and hope to be met with this gentleness by you.
Love,
Robin